(no subject)

[arualms]

 

 

They showed “The Truth” again this weekend, and I remembered how mad I was at the (non-existent) consequences. When I am mad at the show, I write. So that’s where this came from. Plus, I wanted Trey to be one of the good guys for once.

 

AN: Because I need to justify writing this, it is for the letter_love challenge. It is also for beachtree, who could use some cheering up, even though she refuses to complain about all the sucky-ness.

 

disclaimer: still don’t own anything

 

B is for Brothers

 

Visits

 

Following the guard, Ryan asked himself what exactly he was doing here. When he and Trey had last talked to each other on Thanksgiving, they had both agreed that Ryan would not be coming back. Yet here he was, trying to prepare himself to once more face his brother.

 

The yard was relatively empty, a fact that he was grateful for. While he didn’t know how this talk would go, he did know that it wasn’t anybody else’s business.

 

He made his way to the wooden table where Trey was waiting, looking at him expectantly. This would be interesting.

 

“Didn’t think I’d ever see you here again.”

 

No small talk with Trey. Ryan had always liked that about him, appreciated it even more after more than six month spent in a world where deception was considered a necessary every day occurrence and children probably learned about the importance of the correct conversation in right circles the moment their parents choose their over the top day-care facility. Not that they never pretended in Chino, because there were a lot of people you had to keep in the dark about all kinds of things, but small talk was never part of the often complicated web of half truths and silence. Ryan remembered Trey always giving him a piece of his mind, whether he wanted to hear it or not, and knew why he came.

 

“Yeah, I know. But, I kind of needed someone to talk to.”

 

Ryan knew this would be enough. Trey would understand, would know that if Ryan actually asked for a conversation, it had to be bad. Trey had spent more than enough time trying to get Ryan to talk when he didn’t want to to know that. And Trey would listen, Ryan knew this with the same certainty that Trey had known Ryan would save his ass and deliver that stupid car. Trey was his brother.

 

“Talk? You’re saying this voluntarily?”

 

Ryan couldn’t help but grin back, because this was so damn surreal, there were just no words. Ryan Atwood, master of the wordless communication, visiting his big brother in jail after months without contact to pour his heart out.

 

But the amusement was short-lived, because Trey wanted to know what happened, and putting everything into words wasn’t easy when so much of it still felt unreal to him.

 

Golf cars attacking and fake suicides and breaking into the school and beating the lunatic up and Marissa and getting suspended and Seth, Sandy and Kirsten and guns in the penthouse and then nothing. He admitted to himself that it was the nothing that had him not knowing what to do, having seen the lightning strike and still waiting for the thunder. Surely there had to be some kind of consequence, some reaction to everything that had happened?

 

He told Trey, surprised that once he started, it got easier.

 

Trey got mad at him, because breaking into the school was stupid and letting Oliver provoke him into risking everything even more so. He also made it clear that no girl, no matter how hot and good in bed (and the fact that they hadn’t slept together yet was one of the few things he didn’t tell, because Trey would never let him hear the end of it) was worth that kind of trouble.

 

Ryan thought it was weird that he had come here, knowing exactly that he would get this reaction. One would think that after all the lectures he had already gotten, he wouldn’t purposely come looking for another one, but there was something different here, and that was what he had come for.

 

Because after every loud “you are so stupid”, there was an unspoken “but I get why you did it”. This was what he needed, Ryan realized, what none of the Cohens had been able to offer him. Trey understood.

 

Trey knew what it was like to develop an instinctual understanding of people, why it was important to be able to rely on that, because Trey had been right there with him. Trey knew what it was like to look at someone and know, just know that the guy was trouble.

 

Ryan didn’t have to explain to Trey why he had not wanted but needed to take care of everything on his own, because Trey knew that asking for help meant admitting weakness. Trey also didn’t need to be told why showing weakness was never an option.

 

“So what is going to happen now?”

 

Ryan shrugged, because he really didn’t know.

 

According to the Cohens, nothing would happen. I was over and they were to return to the regularly scheduled program. A valentines party tonight, another charity event next weekend.

 

If he believed Marissa, then the only thing that should happen was for him to forget everything so they could pick up where they left off.

 

Ryan didn’t know what he was supposed to do, but he was fairly certain he couldn’t and wouldn’t do that.

 

“You broke up with her, right?”

 

“No. Well, not yet anyway.”

 

“But you will.”

 

It was funny how hearing his big brother say it like that, like it wasn’t even a question, was enough to relieve him of any doubt he still might have had. Because really, there was no good reason for him not to break up with Marissa. Technically, he didn’t even have to break up with her, just not get back together.

 

“Yeah, I will.”

 

“And the Cohens? What are you gonna do about them? Cause avoiding the ex might be possible, but I doubt you can stay away from them. Plus, it would be stupid.”

 

Yet another thing that was great about talking to Trey was the fact that he understood this, understood that while what Ryan did was stupid, the way his foster family reacted was still hurtful and not something he could simply forget.

 

He hated feeling powerless, and their ability to reduce him to that frustrating state was unnerving. He wondered if Sandy had even realized what he had been doing when he told him to stay in the pool house if he wanted to be a part of their family. Never mind the fact that only a day before, he had been told that there was nothing he could do that would get him kicked out. The lawyer might as well have told him “Your future with us or Marissa’s safety. Your choice.”

 

The fact that he still wasn’t used to having a future with them hadn’t made it any easier. And since he was the only one who realized the danger that Oliver represented, he was the only one who could keep Marissa safe. No matter how much she had hurt him, he wasn’t going to be responsible if something happened to her.

 

But none of the Cohens had understood. Maybe they couldn’t. After all, having to protect someone wasn’t something any of them were used to, unless you counted protecting million dollar frauds from being send to jail.

 

“You want to stay with them, you’ll have to figure out a way to get over it. And don’t you dare tell me you don’t want to stay with them anymore, because then I would have to kick your ass, and that would only get me in trouble with the guards.”

 

Ryan did want to stay in Newport, wanted to stay with the Cohens. The problem was that he was no longer sure what that meant. He had gotten used to the thought of finally having a non-dysfunctional home again, but now he was suddenly no longer sure if he hadn’t maybe fallen for some kind of act.

 

Sandy’s speeches about having a future were nice, but the fact that they believed him to be stupid enough to do everything he had done out of jealousy stung. He had thought they had a better opinion of him.

 

“You let your guard down, huh? Back at home with Dawn, you wouldn’t ever have been surprised by that kind of reaction. Everything else would probably have scared the hell out of you.”

 

Once more, Trey was right. He had allowed himself to have expectations of the Cohens, expectations that he had long ago given up on having of Dawn. But while he should be used to that kind of disappointment by now, it still stung. A lot.

 

Yet thinking about what Dawn’s reaction would have been, he had to admit that he preferred the one got. At least they had cared.

 

“Damn Ry, I don’t know what you want me to say. From where I am, being grounded doesn’t seem like the worst thing that could happen.”

 

And now there is guilt, because he really shouldn’t be complaining about this, not when Trey was still in jail and would probably give more or less everything he had to be where Ryan was.

 

“Sorry.”

 

Trey simply nodded.

 

“It’s ok. You’ve got your problems, I’ve got mine. I can’t tell you what to do, but- these people are supposed to family now, right? That Seth-kid is like a brother?”

 

“That’s what he says. I don’t think so, but I don’t really know what he is. A friend, definitely. Other than that…”

 

“Well, friend or brother, I don’t think telling him it was ok was the right way of dealing with the whole thing. If it was me or Turo, you’d never have just let it go.”

 

Once more, Ryan could only nod. He really wouldn’t. The problem was that the rules from Chino didn’t really seem applicable to life in Newport. If there was one thing he had learned from all this, that was it.

 

And telling Seth it was ok had probably been stupid, but he hadn’t known what else to do. He didn’t feel like he was up to another argument. And at least the boy had admitted to having made a mistake. That was more than what could be said about Sandy and Kirsten. And really, that was the problem, wasn’t it. They still hadn’t apologized, hadn’t admitted that he had been right. Not in the way he acted- he knew it had been stupid and impulsive, and he had admitted it repeatedly- but in his assessment of the whole situation.

 

“It’s not about what I believe, it’s about what you did.” 

 

That simply wasn’t true. Because if they had believed him, what he did would have made sense to them. If they had believed him, maybe some of the following events could have been avoided. Sandy had told him to talk, but he hadn’t been willing to hear what he’d had to say.

 

“Time’s up.”

 

The voice of the guard startled him from his thoughts. He got up reluctantly, meeting his brother’s eyes.

 

“You gonna tell me what you ended up doing?”

 

He smiled, because even though he still didn’t know what to do about the Cohens, even though everything still hurt, this was good. This was as close to “please come visit me” as Trey would get, and this time he didn’t want anything else, just another update on how his baby brother was doing.

 

“I’ll come back next week.”

 

 

 

 

Tbc? Maybe? I really shouldn’t start anything else, but I would kind of like to see how season 1 could be changed if Ryan visited Trey on a regular basis. Not to mention, he confided in him, not Theresa.

 

Did I mention that I love Photoshop?

 

          

Comments

[finlee.livejournal.com]

I really liked this fic especially how Ryan goes to his brother because he needs to be near someone who actually "gets" him.

It would have been really interesting if this really happened during the show. It definitely would have changed the end of season 2.

[arualms.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Glad you liked! And despite everything that has happened, I think even now Trey is able to understand Ryan in a way that no one else can, simply because no one else shares his experiences.