(no subject)

[arualms]

 

 

They showed “The Truth” again this weekend, and I remembered how mad I was at the (non-existent) consequences. When I am mad at the show, I write. So that’s where this came from. Plus, I wanted Trey to be one of the good guys for once.

 

AN: Because I need to justify writing this, it is for the letter_love challenge. It is also for beachtree, who could use some cheering up, even though she refuses to complain about all the sucky-ness.

 

disclaimer: still don’t own anything

 

B is for Brothers

 

Visits

 

Following the guard, Ryan asked himself what exactly he was doing here. When he and Trey had last talked to each other on Thanksgiving, they had both agreed that Ryan would not be coming back. Yet here he was, trying to prepare himself to once more face his brother.

 

The yard was relatively empty, a fact that he was grateful for. While he didn’t know how this talk would go, he did know that it wasn’t anybody else’s business.

 

He made his way to the wooden table where Trey was waiting, looking at him expectantly. This would be interesting.

 

“Didn’t think I’d ever see you here again.”

 

No small talk with Trey. Ryan had always liked that about him, appreciated it even more after more than six month spent in a world where deception was considered a necessary every day occurrence and children probably learned about the importance of the correct conversation in right circles the moment their parents choose their over the top day-care facility. Not that they never pretended in Chino, because there were a lot of people you had to keep in the dark about all kinds of things, but small talk was never part of the often complicated web of half truths and silence. Ryan remembered Trey always giving him a piece of his mind, whether he wanted to hear it or not, and knew why he came.

 

“Yeah, I know. But, I kind of needed someone to talk to.”

 

Ryan knew this would be enough. Trey would understand, would know that if Ryan actually asked for a conversation, it had to be bad. Trey had spent more than enough time trying to get Ryan to talk when he didn’t want to to know that. And Trey would listen, Ryan knew this with the same certainty that Trey had known Ryan would save his ass and deliver that stupid car. Trey was his brother.

 

“Talk? You’re saying this voluntarily?”

 

Ryan couldn’t help but grin back, because this was so damn surreal, there were just no words. Ryan Atwood, master of the wordless communication, visiting his big brother in jail after months without contact to pour his heart out.

 

But the amusement was short-lived, because Trey wanted to know what happened, and putting everything into words wasn’t easy when so much of it still felt unreal to him.

 

Golf cars attacking and fake suicides and breaking into the school and beating the lunatic up and Marissa and getting suspended and Seth, Sandy and Kirsten and guns in the penthouse and then nothing. He admitted to himself that it was the nothing that had him not knowing what to do, having seen the lightning strike and still waiting for the thunder. Surely there had to be some kind of consequence, some reaction to everything that had happened?

 

He told Trey, surprised that once he started, it got easier.

 

Trey got mad at him, because breaking into the school was stupid and letting Oliver provoke him into risking everything even more so. He also made it clear that no girl, no matter how hot and good in bed (and the fact that they hadn’t slept together yet was one of the few things he didn’t tell, because Trey would never let him hear the end of it) was worth that kind of trouble.

 

Ryan thought it was weird that he had come here, knowing exactly that he would get this reaction. One would think that after all the lectures he had already gotten, he wouldn’t purposely come looking for another one, but there was something different here, and that was what he had come for.

 

Because after every loud “you are so stupid”, there was an unspoken “but I get why you did it”. This was what he needed, Ryan realized, what none of the Cohens had been able to offer him. Trey understood.

 

Trey knew what it was like to develop an instinctual understanding of people, why it was important to be able to rely on that, because Trey had been right there with him. Trey knew what it was like to look at someone and know, just know that the guy was trouble.

 

Ryan didn’t have to explain to Trey why he had not wanted but needed to take care of everything on his own, because Trey knew that asking for help meant admitting weakness. Trey also didn’t need to be told why showing weakness was never an option.

 

“So what is going to happen now?”

 

Ryan shrugged, because he really didn’t know.

 

According to the Cohens, nothing would happen. I was over and they were to return to the regularly scheduled program. A valentines party tonight, another charity event next weekend.

 

If he believed Marissa, then the only thing that should happen was for him to forget everything so they could pick up where they left off.

 

Ryan didn’t know what he was supposed to do, but he was fairly certain he couldn’t and wouldn’t do that.

 

“You broke up with her, right?”

 

“No. Well, not yet anyway.”

 

“But you will.”

 

It was funny how hearing his big brother say it like that, like it wasn’t even a question, was enough to relieve him of any doubt he still might have had. Because really, there was no good reason for him not to break up with Marissa. Technically, he didn’t even have to break up with her, just not get back together.

 

“Yeah, I will.”

 

“And the Cohens? What are you gonna do about them? Cause avoiding the ex might be possible, but I doubt you can stay away from them. Plus, it would be stupid.”

 

Yet another thing that was great about talking to Trey was the fact that he understood this, understood that while what Ryan did was stupid, the way his foster family reacted was still hurtful and not something he could simply forget.

 

He hated feeling powerless, and their ability to reduce him to that frustrating state was unnerving. He wondered if Sandy had even realized what he had been doing when he told him to stay in the pool house if he wanted to be a part of their family. Never mind the fact that only a day before, he had been told that there was nothing he could do that would get him kicked out. The lawyer might as well have told him “Your future with us or Marissa’s safety. Your choice.”

 

The fact that he still wasn’t used to having a future with them hadn’t made it any easier. And since he was the only one who realized the danger that Oliver represented, he was the only one who could keep Marissa safe. No matter how much she had hurt him, he wasn’t going to be responsible if something happened to her.

 

But none of the Cohens had understood. Maybe they couldn’t. After all, having to protect someone wasn’t something any of them were used to, unless you counted protecting million dollar frauds from being send to jail.

 

“You want to stay with them, you’ll have to figure out a way to get over it. And don’t you dare tell me you don’t want to stay with them anymore, because then I would have to kick your ass, and that would only get me in trouble with the guards.”

 

Ryan did want to stay in Newport, wanted to stay with the Cohens. The problem was that he was no longer sure what that meant. He had gotten used to the thought of finally having a non-dysfunctional home again, but now he was suddenly no longer sure if he hadn’t maybe fallen for some kind of act.

 

Sandy’s speeches about having a future were nice, but the fact that they believed him to be stupid enough to do everything he had done out of jealousy stung. He had thought they had a better opinion of him.

 

“You let your guard down, huh? Back at home with Dawn, you wouldn’t ever have been surprised by that kind of reaction. Everything else would probably have scared the hell out of you.”

 

Once more, Trey was right. He had allowed himself to have expectations of the Cohens, expectations that he had long ago given up on having of Dawn. But while he should be used to that kind of disappointment by now, it still stung. A lot.

 

Yet thinking about what Dawn’s reaction would have been, he had to admit that he preferred the one got. At least they had cared.

 

“Damn Ry, I don’t know what you want me to say. From where I am, being grounded doesn’t seem like the worst thing that could happen.”

 

And now there is guilt, because he really shouldn’t be complaining about this, not when Trey was still in jail and would probably give more or less everything he had to be where Ryan was.

 

“Sorry.”

 

Trey simply nodded.

 

“It’s ok. You’ve got your problems, I’ve got mine. I can’t tell you what to do, but- these people are supposed to family now, right? That Seth-kid is like a brother?”

 

“That’s what he says. I don’t think so, but I don’t really know what he is. A friend, definitely. Other than that…”

 

“Well, friend or brother, I don’t think telling him it was ok was the right way of dealing with the whole thing. If it was me or Turo, you’d never have just let it go.”

 

Once more, Ryan could only nod. He really wouldn’t. The problem was that the rules from Chino didn’t really seem applicable to life in Newport. If there was one thing he had learned from all this, that was it.

 

And telling Seth it was ok had probably been stupid, but he hadn’t known what else to do. He didn’t feel like he was up to another argument. And at least the boy had admitted to having made a mistake. That was more than what could be said about Sandy and Kirsten. And really, that was the problem, wasn’t it. They still hadn’t apologized, hadn’t admitted that he had been right. Not in the way he acted- he knew it had been stupid and impulsive, and he had admitted it repeatedly- but in his assessment of the whole situation.

 

“It’s not about what I believe, it’s about what you did.” 

 

That simply wasn’t true. Because if they had believed him, what he did would have made sense to them. If they had believed him, maybe some of the following events could have been avoided. Sandy had told him to talk, but he hadn’t been willing to hear what he’d had to say.

 

“Time’s up.”

 

The voice of the guard startled him from his thoughts. He got up reluctantly, meeting his brother’s eyes.

 

“You gonna tell me what you ended up doing?”

 

He smiled, because even though he still didn’t know what to do about the Cohens, even though everything still hurt, this was good. This was as close to “please come visit me” as Trey would get, and this time he didn’t want anything else, just another update on how his baby brother was doing.

 

“I’ll come back next week.”

 

 

 

 

Tbc? Maybe? I really shouldn’t start anything else, but I would kind of like to see how season 1 could be changed if Ryan visited Trey on a regular basis. Not to mention, he confided in him, not Theresa.

 

Did I mention that I love Photoshop?

 

          

Comments

[beachtree.livejournal.com]

Thanks for outing me! Kidding. I appreciate the dedication!

"The Truth" was right in the middle of my S1 O.C. upset. It was a classic example of TPTB spending time on build up without addressing the real issue and then following through. Then came "T" and we know how well that ended.

You introduce an interesting premise and a plausible one. Ryan was confused, disillusioned and hurt enough to need a familiar face and sounding board more than anything. As much as I've never been a Trey wreck fan, this really works and I prefer him to "T" because he would have shared many more experiences with Ryan and witnessed the dynamic and the details that Ryan would have tried to keep hidden from anyone else. They may not really like one another, or, as they would find out, even really know one another, but they would have a common point of reference, shared history and unquestioned understanding.

You emphasize the differences between Ryan's two worlds and the role that plays. What the Cohens never seemed to grasp, and still haven't, because they never were forced to live it, is the importance of instinctual response. Ryan's (and Trey's) automatic reactions were a means of defense and a necessity for coping and mere survival. In that volatile environment, Ryan had to be astutely and keenly observant, on guard, wary and perceptive. Although his surroundings changed, his radar would still be active and attuned. Trey would recognize that without a second thought and save Ryan the repetitive and lengthy explanations that would only result in confusing anyone else.

As much as I was disappointed by the lack of any "apology" of sorts from the Cohens, what upset me the most was that there was no substantive conversation of any kind. Seth apologized for judging too quickly, for not being supportive and listening, but he wasn't prepared to go any deeper than that and Ryan knew it. He wanted to be forgiven and have the quick fix he knew Ryan would give. He wanted his life back the way it was with the fewest hassles.

The real distress was from Sandy and Kirsten. Sandy had gone so far as to ask Kirsten if he made a mistake bringing Ryan home. If Ryan ever learned of that conversation, he'd be devastated. This was the perfect opportunity not to play the blame game, but to learn about Ryan, what motivated his behavior, what his unique perspective was and how that shaped him. It's what the Cohens constantly shy away from. This wasn't about Oliver, it was about how well they knew Ryan, what their image was, what they seem reluctant to ask about and address. It was about trust on all sides and Ryan's very deep-seeded issues pertaining to that. If the Cohens really wanted to embrace Ryan, not simply change him, this was the time to focus on integrating past with present and moving forward. They chose not to deal with it and by ignoring it,it ceased to exist- for them.

If you choose to continue this, I'm curious how you would have Ryan's interactions with Trey impact other events and characters. Would it change his feelings? Circumstances? Would he be more or less secure? Yeah, those are easy questions!

I really like the exchange between the brothers. You capture that direct connection laced with tension and acceptance. There's a real clarity to the images and the words. Everything is simple and sparse and leaves no room for misinterpretation. Ryan would get the validation he is seeking without compromising himself and would do so without causing disruption within the Cohen household. For pragmatic, considerate, confused Ryan, this seems like a very realistic option. He had to be very hurt and lost, trying regain the precarious footing he had at Casa Cohen and wondering if he had misread them and their intentions. Trey would appreciate his perspective, and while he may not have answers, only questions, he would be qualified to listen in a way no one would. While we always think that Ryan was so fortunate and gained so much by being "rescued" to Newport, we forget he lost his whole family, every link to his known world and that would impact his internal compass, throwing so many of his thoughts, feelings and choices into doubt.

[arualms.livejournal.com]

Sorry, didn't mean to out you. It's just that I thought about you while writing this, knowing that we both agree about the unsatisfactionary way this was dealt with.

I don't like season 2 Trey who goes after Ryan's girlfriend (as much as I loath to refer to her like this), tries to rape her and hurts and almost kills Ryan.

I do however like the idea of a Trey who is a little more of an actual big brother. I just felt like their relationship would be interesting to examine when Trey is actually treating Ryan better than the Cohens. Plus, while I loved the way Ryan relaxed with Theresa in "The Heartbreak", it set the stage for the whole baby-thing, and that is still an accident waiting to happen.

[beachtree.livejournal.com]

As I said on the "outing," no worries- I am honored to receive a dedication! You are so right, since we agree this situation was very poorly dealt with, or ignored, as the case may be. It certainly set a pattern that would become familiar and repetitive- sadly.

The whole time that the events of the end of S2 were unfolding, I was so irritated that it was ridiculous "M" drama. If there was tension, as we would expect, between Ryan and Trey, it should have stemmed from their personal history, as we saw that dysfunctional, unbalanced, manipulative dynamic displayed during "The Homecoming." If they hadn't shared such a horrible homelife up to a point, there probably would have been far more trouble in their relationship. It was necessity and survival that bound them, nothing else- they're simply too different. This is precisely the reason that Ryan would potentially seek him out. In times of greatest turmoil and uncertainty, everyone turns to the familiar for comfort and connectivity and validation.

This is a really interesting opportunity. It does resemble "T" before she introduced her own questionable issues and made them Ryan's. That objectivity and link to the past, a more unconditional and certain sense of support were what he would be lacking. As much as those closest to him in Newport (and viewers) would think he should be turning to the Cohens, the truth is that they really don't know each other and it would be very difficult for anyone without such complex trust issues to be so vulnerable to anyone involved in the situation when they had only just begun to forge a relationship.

[chaseii.livejournal.com]

Very well done! The aftermath (or rather lack thereof) from The Truth was the first gaping hole that I wanted plugged enough to write my own little fic. I'm always interested in this one. I was so upset that the Cohens never apologized (except for Seth, who still didn't really get it, but at least tried on some level.) It's all about trust, and they left the kid hanging. Gah!!

I like the concept that Ryan would visit Trey, to talk about things. That the two, regardless of their differences, would share many of the same outlooks and unspoken understandings makes perfect sense.

I like how direct they are with one another. How they don't need words to know each other's thoughts in many instances. They've been there, done that... I like that they know what is being said -- they know each other's codes, and what silence means as well.

Excellent. I very much enjoyed!!

[arualms.livejournal.com]

Thanks!
I hated the way TPTB glossed over everything except for Marissa.
I really believe that Trey would have been able to understand Ryan in a way none of the others could, simply because they share a lot of the experiences that formed Ryan's way of reading people and reacting to danger. This understanding is something I think he needed, because none of the Cohens even attempted to do so, telling him it eas not about believing him or judging him as simply jealous. I was not happy about the way he dealt with the whole thing, but the parents screwed up just as much, and he was the only one who apologized.

[60schic.livejournal.com]

Yes, most definitely continue. Don't care that you shouldn't start another---you already did!

I like the dynamics between the brothers and wonder if something like this could have prevented all the shit with Marissa. That Ryan feels the only one he can take his disappointment to is his more-related brother. Good stuff!

[arualms.livejournal.com]

Thanks!
I am starting to scare myself with all the plot-bunnies going crazy in my head. The problem is that, once the idea is there, it is incredibly difficult not to write it. And if I wrote it, I have to post it to get to know what others are thinking. Which leaves me with yet another unfinished story. 5 at the moment, and no idea when/ if/ how I will be able to wrap them up.

[60schic.livejournal.com]

I have been in your place. Not right now as I am trying to keep the plot bunnies at bay until school is out. Well, that...and the fact that the plot bunnies haven't hopped my way in awhile.

[finlee.livejournal.com]

I really liked this fic especially how Ryan goes to his brother because he needs to be near someone who actually "gets" him.

It would have been really interesting if this really happened during the show. It definitely would have changed the end of season 2.

[arualms.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Glad you liked! And despite everything that has happened, I think even now Trey is able to understand Ryan in a way that no one else can, simply because no one else shares his experiences.

[chazper.livejournal.com]

Definitely intriguing. "The Truth" was the season 1 episode that should have sent up warning flags about TPTB's willingness to follow through with emotional ramifications of conflicts. Somehow, the only thing that they thought mattered was Ryan's relationship with Marissa, and really, that was the least of the issues.

But you know this. That's why you're writing the story. I do like your take on Trey and Ryan--lots of raw honesty between them--and it is fascinating to imagine how much might have changed if they had kept in touch. So do please continue this.

[arualms.livejournal.com]

Thanks!
The way things would/ could have changed? My mind is already buissy coming up with all kinds of possibilities. Though I am not yet sure what to do instead of the baby-story (which obviousely won't happen, since Ryan visited Trey instead of helping to set up and running into Theresa.

[monnie44.livejournal.com]

You just reminded me why I hate every character on this show except Ryan.

Fucking shitty Cohens'. That poor, poor kid, because after 'That Oliver Thing' you do know he was berrating himself continuously for ever believeing someone in the world might take a second to think about what he was trying to say. No wonder Ryan doesn't talk - noone listens when he does.

Grr. And you know it's a good fic when you get me this fucked off. :) I would definately like some more!

[dogsbody01.livejournal.com]

I agree with you.

[arualms.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Funny how being mad at them this season transforms your view of them in season 1 (not that I wasn't mad then, but it has certainly increased)
Glad to make you mad ;)

[helen-c.livejournal.com]

Nice little ficlet.

He admitted to himself that it was the nothing that had him not knowing what to do, having seen the lightning strike and still waiting for the thunder. Surely there had to be some kind of consequence, some reaction to everything that had happened?

I like this image--and the idea that Ryan was waiting for someone to say something, at some point... ;)

Because after every loud “you are so stupid”, there was an unspoken “but I get why you did it”.

Exactly. I've always thought that Trey would have been kicking Oliver's ass with Ryan, even if he didn't really understand why it was so important to Ryan--that he would have just trusted his brother's gut feeling.

[arualms.livejournal.com]

I figured if we were all waiting for some kind of consequence, then certainly Ryan was, too. And Trey would totally have kicked Oliver's ass (and then Ryan's for letting the idiot goat him into risking everything).

[dogsbody01.livejournal.com]

Please continue.Who knows?If there had been an actual conversation, like this between Ryan and Trey in S1.Perhaps,S2 would've gone better.

[arualms.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked. And yes, I will continue, I just don't know when yet.

[nightrider101.livejournal.com]

I loved this! It's nice seeing Trey in a different light. I'm still having a hard time getting over how I felt when I watched the Truth. A apology would have gone a LONG way. I don't know if I could have been as forgiving as Ryan...of course, what choice did he really have? Great stuff!