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[arualms]

Because I am crazy, I signed up fot the letter_love challenge. I blame brandywine421.
This is my first fic for that challenge:

disclaimer: I am not Josh, therefore I don´t own anything
AN: My first fic for the letters_ love challenge. I claimed Ryan.
 
N is for Names
 
Ryan Atwood has always known how important names are.
 
His mother called him "Ryan" when she was mad at him, when he had failed to complete a chore she claim to have told him about, when he hadn't been home on time to serve as a punching bag for the latest boyfriend and she had to suffer the consequences, when he had gone to a party with Trey and she actually noticed how late he came home.
 
She called him "Ry" in every day life, but somehow when she said it, it always seemed less like a nickname and more as if she couldn't bother to say the rest of his name when the shorter version was enough to get his attention.
 
When she called him "Baby", he always knew that there was something she wanted. Maybe she was out of booze and needed him to go to the store, maybe she was drunk and wanted him to clean up the mess she made on the floor, or maybe she wanted him to give the people from social services the right answers. She never called him "Baby" unless she wanted something.
 
His father, as far as he remembers, had always called him "Ryan". His mood had not been discernible by the name he used, but by the way he said it. As a seven years old, Ryan had already been an expert in analysing other people's tone. Sometimes, it had helped him to get out before getting caught in the crossfire of his parents arguing. Sometimes, it hadn´t.
 
His brother called him "Ry", and when he was younger, his older brother having a nickname for him had meant a lot. "Turo" for Arturo, "Eddie" for Eduardo, "Joe" for Jonathan- his brother used nicknames for people he liked. His friens all had adopted the same habit, and he never complained, enjoying the feeling of belonging.
 
Sometimes,when other people were with them, Trey also called him "Bro" , and that was usually all right, too. He was letting people know that Ryan was his baby-brother, and that messing with Ryan meant messing with Trey.
 
Even when he was mad at him, he still called him "Ry" or "Bro", and Ryan had understood that in the end, it would be ok again.
 
The last time he had talked to Trey, accepting charges for a phone call without knowing who wanted to talk to him, Trey had said "I´m sorry, Ryan." And even though there were still so many things left to say, so many issues to work through, Ryan had known that he would´t hear from him again.
 
Theresa had always insisted on calling him "Ryan" because she said she liked him "just the way you are.There is nothing about you that needs to be changed." Only sometimes, when she was mad at him for not standing up to his mother, or because he was too drunk for her liking, she called him "RYAN ATWOOD" in a way that actually made it possible to hear the capital letters, and it was always enough to let him know that he had somehow screwed up.
 
Sandy had sometimes called him "Kid", usually when he wanted to remind him that Sandy and Kirsten were the grown ups and he was supposed to be a teenager. That hadn´t always worked, but he had always appreciated the sentiment. It was a nice change from his mother, who had always needed to be taken care of.
 
Even now that he was a grown up, Sandy sometimes still called him "Kid", but the meaning had changed. Now, he did it to remind Ryan that no matter what, he would always be his kid. Ryan appreciated that even more.
 
Kirsten had never had a nickname for him, but Ryan would always remember the day she had found out about Julie Cooper-Nichol´s attempt to frame him for murder and had kicked the woman out with the words "I will never forgive you for trying to hurt my son." Years later, the memory still gave him that warm feeling he had for the first time experienced back then. He had never before had a mother who defended him.
 
Seth had varied from "Ryan" to "Bro" to "Kid Chino" and back to "Ryan", but no matter what he called him, usually there was an underlying sense of appreciation, not for a specific thing that he had done, but for the simple fact that he existed.Ryan could understand the sentiment, as he felt the same way about him, about all the Cohens, actually.
 
"Ryan" had been the only name Marissa used, but like with his father, there had been somany different inflictions to it, it was impossible to list them all. For some reason, the one he remembered best was the mixture of hurt and accusation in her voice when she had called him after he had broken up with her for good. Despite the alcohol-induced slur, it had been easy to detect the fastly developing resentment as well.
 
To Luke and Summer, he had been "Chino" At first, it had been a way for them to express heir superiority, remind him of the fact that he was not one of them and never ould be. Over time, the meaning it had to them had changed; "Chino" had become simply a nickname that they used out of habit. While he had not particularly like the daily reminders of his past, he had gotten used to it.
 
It had taken her more than two years, but in the end Summer had taken to calling him "Atwood". Knowing that she called everyone she considered her friend by his or her last name, Ryan had happily accepted the change without drawing unnecessary attention to it by commenting. Knowing that she finally liked him had been enough; there had been no need to share the knowledge with those who might be less observing.
 
Ryan would never be able to remember all the names people had given him throughout college and grad school, but what mattered wasn´t really what they had called him so much as the fact that he had gotten to know so many people to give him new names.
 
The people at the Newport Group called him "Mr. Atwood" or "Boss", and while it still felt weird after several years of being the company´s main architect, he had accepted it as the sign of respect that it was. He only insisted on being called "Ryan" when they met in private.
 
Marie had several names for him, but most of those were not suitable to be used outside their bedroom. When they had company, she called him "Ryan", always looking him in the eyes when addressing him so he would be able to read her. After three years, he was still thrilled every time she introduced him to someone as her "Husband".
 
Alex is not yet old enough to call him anything, but Ryan is sure that when the time comes, "Dad" will be his favourite name.
 
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